The current headline on the Huffington Post, in large red block letters, reads simply the following: SEVEN DAYS. Intrigued, I clicked on the headline, only to learn that the SEVEN DAYS refers to…
a.) The number of days that remain on Earth until the Middle East finally self-combusts?
b.) Or the number of days that remain until the entire human population is destroyed by an asteroid the size of a very large asteroid?
c.) Or the number of days that remain until an awkwardly large percentage of society comes together in a nation-wide mass suicide, due to the second place finish of David Archuleta?
Of course not. Let's not be mostly ridiculous. The SEVEN DAYS on the Huffington Post refers to the number of days remaining until the Democratic primaries are officially over.
And if you think you're hearing legions of angels singing the "Hallelujah" chorus, you are correct.
While Hillary will most stay likely stay in the race until Arbor Day 2009 (or until all the trees disappear from the planet, whatever occurs first), the fact that the Democratic primaries are over in only a week is kind of a big milestone. Now true, the primaries occur once every four years, and in theory the ending of the primaries shouldn't be a big deal. But like that one Christmas in 1986 which you spent with your annoying in-laws, this particular year seems much longer than most years
I have to admit that with the primaries over, I feel a little bit of loss. Sure, now that the primaries are over we can move on to a little something called "the general election." Nevertheless, I don't know if I'm quite ready for them to be over yet. They're like an inappropriate alcoholic uncle who visits twice a year… we're not necessarily fond of him, but we'll undoubtedly cry at his funeral. I feel as though I grew up with the primaries, which isn't that big of a stretch considering that the current primary began while Larry King was going through puberty.
I'm going to miss the 9/11 days of Rudy "9/11" Giuliani. I'm going to miss comparing Dennis and Elizabeth Kucinich to Gollum and Mrs. Way Too Hot for Gollum. I'm going to miss Mike Huckabee's hidden Christmas card cross, Mike Gravel's presidential candidacy announcement video/art student project, Chris Dodd's chance in hell, and Ron Paul's enthusiastic supporters (only half of whom have actually claim to have been abducted by aliens).
It's now down to Barack Obama and John McCain. While most Americans are happy to have the primaries over, I will publicly and embarrassingly admit that I'll miss the circus that has been the primaries. I know I'm in the minority, but like that inappropriate alcoholic uncle, I'm just not sure that I'm ready for the primaries to die yet.
Wait, what's that? There's been ANOTHER kerfuffle concerning Hillary and supposed politically incorrect comments about assasination?
I changed my mind. I was ready for these SEVEN DAYS to be over yesterday.