Announcing the Launch of Utah's Brand New #1 News Source

Dear friends, family, visitors to Bullshattuck, and whomever doesn't fit in that category (like my acupuncturist):

If you live in Utah, you know that your news choices consist of Something Tribune, and Deseret Something. Don't you deserve more? Should there not be more, and better, choices for news? Why can't there exist a news source which just so happens to be written by a team of 10 humor writers, a.k.a. respectable journalists? And what exactly is this project that Ryan's been working on these past few months? As some of you know:

*I almost got a job writing for The Onion. But didn't.
*I almost got a job writing for the Associated Press. But didn't.
*I almost had a publisher give me the green light for my book. But didn't.

What do I do when life hands me "no" and "we're not interested?" Simple - I make lemonade. Rejection makes me kind of thirsty.

Therefore, it gives me great pleasure to announce the launch of my newest lemonade... The Regal Seagull: Utah's Brand New #1 News Source. You're welcome.

A team of 10 humor writers, a.k.a. respectable journalists, plumb the depths of the Utah news world in order to bring you the news that actually matters. Consider the following stories, which appear in our first issue:

*"Idaho can't find identity, petitions federal government to become 'North Utah'"
*"Las Vegas loses title of 'Sin City' to West Jordan"
*"Utah to build giant fence to end illegal bird migration"
*"Guy in Ogden disappointed he never auditioned for Everwood"
*...and other hard hitting news stories

Do you think these important stories would ever appear in the Salt Lake Tribune or the Deseret Whatever It's Called? Absolutely not. They may have clout and self-respect, but we have determination and moxie.

So go ahead, visit The Regal Seagull. Link to The Regal Seagull. Tell people about The Regal Seagull. Become part of the 60 million Utah residents who have learned to trust The Regal Seagull for all their newsy needs.

Someone needs to plumb the Utah news world. Let The Regal Seagull be your news plumber.

Thank you, friends and family. And my acupuncturist.

regally seagully yours,
RYAN SHATTUCK

Comments

[Jesse Harris]

Any chance you guys will start up a feed or deliver the headlines via e-mail?