Voting for America's Next Top Drinking Buddy

(This column was published in the
April 21st, 2008 issue of the The Daily Utah Chronicle)

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There once was a man from Nantucket,

Lost everything in the stock market.

It wasn't a joke,

That he soon was broke,

And became rather aggravated with the way in which the hosts of last week's presidential debate, Charlie Gibson and George Stephanopoulos, instead of asking questions relating to the economy and other issues that affect Americans, focused on such banal issues as the wearing of a flag pin.

That poor guy from Nantucket. He can't ever seem to catch a break. Plus, his limericks kind of suck.

A lot of conversation has been generated by last Wednesday's debate between Senators Clinton and Obama, which was sponsored by ABC News. The debate's hosts, Gibson and Stephanopoulos, were lambasted by many people and organizations, such as other media outlets and much of the political blogosphere. Everyone -- including And Their Dog and And Their Mom -- apparently had something critical to say about the hosts for their decision to employ petty and inconsequential questions.

Is there anyone, aside from a certain Chronicle columnist, who actually still cares about the anti-American comments of Obama's former reverend? Are Clinton's claims of having survived sniper fire in Bosnia good for much else, aside from the occasional late-night talk show host joke? Does anyone, aside from Charlie Gibson, even care that Obama sometimes doesn't wear a flag pin? Do any of these issues fundamentally affect the lives of average Americans, aside from inspiring more than their share of hand-wringing?

Perhaps I'm concerned about the Iraq War because I have children serving in Iraq -- but my vote for America's next Commander-in-Chief hinges on whether the candidate will wear a plastic pin. I may have lost my job due to the declining economy -- but my vote for America's next Commander-in-Chief hinges on whether the candidate will wear a plastic pin. I may now have to pay over $1,000 to fill my semi-trailer in order to deliver my load of food to America's grocery stores -- but my vote for America's next Commander-in-Chief hinges on whether the candidate will wear a plastic pin.

Would Barack Obama Wear a Plastic Pin? Some people ask themselves "WWJD," and then they decide. I ask myself "WBOWAPP," and then I vote.

Gibson and Stephanopulos aren't the only ones to offend the American public by asking asinine questions of candidates for the most powerful job position in the world. President George Bush was famously voted as the candidate with whom most Americans would like to share a beer. President Bill Clinton was once asked if he preferred boxers or briefs. Even President Grover Cleveland was voted as the president most likely to leave his friends dirty MySpace comments. While questions such as these help round out candidates and presidents as "average" people, should they take center stage in a debate hosted by ABC News? I expect Comedy Central to entertain me by asking candidates ridiculous question on issues that don't matter -- I expect ABC News to inform me by asking candidates questions on issues that do.

There's no question that a certain level of likability must be present in our presidential candidates in order for them to win an election. Nevertheless, I don't value likability in my presidential candidates as much as I value competency. In a job interview, most people generally aren't asked about their personality, their likes and dislikes and whether they would be fun to get a beer with as much as they're asked about their applicable skills and what they would bring to the company. Some recent news stories, however, would have us believe that we're not voting for America's Next Top Leader of the Free World as much as we're voting for America's Next Top Drinking Buddy.

Perhaps I'm naive, but I like to assume that the American public is smarter than the media would have us believe. Fluff stories of Hillary Clinton having a shot of whiskey, Barack Obama not being a good bowler or John McCain forgetting where he left his car keys will not bring back jobs or end the Iraq War. Constantly hearing of Reverend Wright's anti-American comments and Clinton's dumb lie regarding a sniper-infested Bosnia doesn't affect our day-to-day lives. What does Obama intend on doing for the millions of Americans without healthcare? Will Clinton pull the troops out of Iraq? Does McCain have a plan for the sagging economy?

Sorry, Charlie Gibson, George Stephanopoulos and other media journalists, but these are the stories I care about. I'm not interested in the scandals you shove down my throat.

I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Just ask the unemployed man from Nantucket.

Comments

[rmwarnick]

Of all the people who have criticized Barack Obama for not wearing a flag pin, I have yet to see one voice this criticism while at the same time actually wearing a flag pin.