Bullshattuck

Bullshattuck Sues the Environmentalists

Want a good laugh?

I read the Salt Lake Tribune's letters to the editor with some regularity, whenever I'm in search of free entertainment. Some of them are angry letters ("Here's what I hate about Mormons!") and others are just funny ("Here's what I hate about Non-Mormons!"). NOW THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT!

I'm feeling rather lazy today, so I thought I would share one of my favorite letters, as appeared in the Tribune yesterday. Sometimes making a joke isn't even necessary for a laugh - some people's opinions are funny enough:

- - - - - - - - - - (CLICK ON LETTER TO ENLARGE) - - - - - - - - - -

May 29th - Whats New(s) With Bullshattuck

CINDY

Poor Cindy Lou Who.

As reported by CNN, anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan announced yesterday that she was quitting from the peace movement that made her famous.

In her 1,200-worded letter titled "Good Riddance Attention Whore," Sheehan derided Democrats, Republicans, and fellow peace activists, whom she claimed "often put[s] personal egos above peace and human life."

Sheehan was quick to point out that while she will be discontiuning her movement for peace, she will however continue to voice her opinion on other minor issues, when appropriate.

Like Israel.

And the economy.

And global warming.

And the price of oil.

And gun control.

And social security.

And the United Nations.

And childhood obesity.

And Nancy Grace.

Aside from that, Cindy Sheehan is quitting.

To hear more on how Cindy Sheehan totally hates attention whores, be sure to catch The Cindy Sheehan Show every Tuesday at 7:00pm on The New CW, followed by Gilmore Girls.

-bullshattuck

Bullshattuck Feels a Little Gassy Today

The following is a bulletin posted by a MySpace 'friend' several days ago, advising CyberWorld about tomorrow's "Gas Out."

"NO GAS...On May 15th 2007

Don't pump gas on MAY 15th

In April 1997, there was a "gas out" conducted nationwide in protest of gas prices. Gasoline prices dropped 30 cents a gallon overnight.

On May 15th 2007, all internet users are to not go to a gas station in protest of high gas prices. Gas is now over $3.00 a gallon in most places.

There are 73,000,000+ American members currently on the internet network, and the average car takes about 30 to 50 dollars to fill up.

If all users did not go to the pump on the 15th, it would take $2,292,000,000.00 (that's almost 3 BILLION) out of the oil companies pockets for just one day, so please do not go to the gas station on May 15th and lets try to put a dent in the Middle Eastern oil industry for at least one day.

If you agree (which I cant see why you wouldn't) resend this to all your contact list. With it saying, ''Don't pump gas on May 15th"

As it turns out, I didn't send this on to all my peeps and peepetts out there in MySpaceLand and CyberWorld.

On the one hand, I have to admire the downright plucky optimism of the Americans who feel they can make a difference by not buying gas on one single day. Everyone wants to be an activist. Everyone wants to make a difference.

On the other hand, may I remind such rabble rousers that:

1.) If you don't buy gas tomorrow on May 15th, remember that you will simply be creating a higher demand to buy gas on May 14th or May 16th. Not buying gas on just one single day does not mean you actually use less gas - it simply means you offset this gas buying by one single day.

Says Jeff Lenard, of the National Association of Convenience Stores:

"If half the people who normally would buy gasoline on the day of the boycott shifted their purchases to the day before and half to the day after, you'd see something similar to what happens when a hurricane is about to hit... stations would be running out of gasoline."

"They'd pay a premium for it if they had to, and then the price they have to charge would go up... so at best, a one-day boycott wouldn't have an effect, and at worst, it could create additional problems."

2.) Wouldn't it make more sense, instead of not buying gas on just ONE day, to LOWER YOUR GAS CONSUMPTION ALLTOGETHER?

Wouldn't a MySpace bulletin that suggests that the public carpool, take public transportation, or use alternative fuels have a bigger impact on the gasoline industry?

3.) What if instead of avoiding gas stations on May 15th, you AVOIDED DRIVING ALL TOGETHER?

Yikes, I'm starting to feel a little gassy. I need some pepto-bismol.

Perhaps I'll just head over to my local convenience store/gas station.