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B.S. & Technology

My 15 Minutes of Fame on Google?

(This article was published in the
March 3rd, 2008 issue of the The Daily Utah Chronicle)



Andy Warhol once said, "In the future, everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. This will mostly be accomplished by Google Maps' Street View option."

Many people want to be famous, whether it be the hordes of people auditioning for "American Idol," or simply Cher, whose desperate attempts at clinging to fame are marked by the fact that she's had more farewell tours than most people have teeth. Even I have to admit that while I happen to be more comfortable writing than I am in front of a camera, I probably wouldn't have too much of a problem if "Fame" were to show up at my door with a bouquet of balloons screaming "Congratulations Ryan, I'm here to make you famous!"

Of course by "Fame," I mean the abstract notion of being known or talked about by many people. If "Fame," the 1982 television show, were to show up at my door, I'd probably call the police.

As anyone who's ever become famous will agree, the quid pro quo for fame is privacy. Those who seek out fame understand that an erosion of privacy will occur. The starlet whose every rehab-ilicious mistake is splashed across the tabloids accepts her life, for thus is the price of repute. The housewife whose life may be uneventful but filled with fulfilling relationships and a fulfilling career accepts her life, for thus is the price of privacy. Famous people generally choose to be famous, private people generally choose to be private and life overall is pretty good.

Then Google stepped in and changed the rules.

Not too long ago, a person could become famous by doing absolutely nothing -- then upload that nothing to YouTube. Now all that one needs to do in order to become famous is to continue doing absolutely nothing -- while being outside. Google Maps, one of the leading online map websites, made headlines last May when they released a new and innovative way to view maps with Street View. Google drives up and down the streets of a particular city in an unmarked van and uses a panoramic camera to take 360-degree pictures of the actual street. The Street View option then presents a visitor to Google Maps with a 360-degree view of the street as if they were actually visiting that particular city.

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Soon after introducing this Street View, Google began to attract a small but surprising amount of controversy. A number of people became frustrated at being caught on camera by the unmarked Google van, thus inciting the claim that Street View infringed on the privacy of average citizens. When I first learned of this controversy last summer, I assumed that these people were simply being paranoid. Only five cities originally had this Street View option available -- San Francisco, New York, Las Vegas, Denver and Miami -- and it didn't really concern me.


Then I learned that as of Feb. 12, Salt Lake City had been added to the Street View option on Google Maps.

Then I learned that my apartment is visible on the Street View option on Google Maps.

Then I saw myself on the Street View option on Google Maps.

I never thought my 15 minutes of fame would be this blurry.

I emailed Google's press department concerning the recent addition of Salt Lake City and received a response from Elaine Filadelfo with Google, Inc. According to Ms. Fildelfo, "the imagery [of Salt Lake City] is typically between a couple of months and a year old at the time of the launch." She also wrote that "our users have told us this ability to view a location as if they were actually there helps them understand and find information about the places they live and visit."

While it was definitely unsettling to see my apartment -- and my blurry self -- on Google Maps, I personally don't have that much of an issue with this invasion of privacy. It does raise some interesting questions however, concerning where one draws this line. On one hand, it is an astounding breakthrough that allows anyone to view 360-degree images of nearly 30 cities. On the other hand, it creates a precedent for unsolicited pictures of average citizens to be uploaded online for millions to see. On the third hand, most people lead such innocuous lives that they aren't that concerned whether a Google van catches them taking out the trash or picking their nose. On the fourth hand, it puts the anonymity of those who simply wish to lead private lives at risk. What can we make from this, aside from the fact that I clearly have four hands?

Most people don't live in Salt Lake City because they want to be famous -- they want to lead regular, private lives. It may be easier for those who desire fame to find it because of this increasingly connected world in which we find ourselves, but conversely, it is much more difficult for those who wish to remain private to do so. Cell phone cameras, Facebook, blogs, YouTube and Google Maps' Street View play only a small part in this. Andy Warhol most likely didn't anticipate the digital age when he conceived his 1968 hypothesis regarding fame. Nevertheless, I truly believe that everyone will have their 15 minutes of fame.

Whether they like it or not.

Technology: The New Drug

(This article was published in the
January 11th, 2008 issue of the The Daily Utah Chronicle)



Hello. My name is Ryan Shattuck. And I’m a technophile.

Now I recognize that I should probably use caution when using the suffix “phile;” several years ago, a person claiming to be a ‘technophile’ would have simply meant that one loved technology. Today, claiming to be a ‘technophile’ simply sounds uncouth – and would probably prevent a person from working with children.

Inappropriate argots aside, I still consider myself a technophile, as I’ve always followed technology very closely. I’m fascinated with neat gadgets and outrageous gizmos and awesome technology and basically any hyperbole stolen from the 80’s. While I realize this obsession isn’t necessarily healthy, my fixation could always be worse – at least I’m not addicted to drugs. Then again, is having a drug problem that much worse than being ‘addicted’ to technology? Sure, buying the newest cell phone or the newest iPod won’t leave one’s arms with track marks – but at the same time, being addicted to heroine or cocaine means one doesn’t need to buy the newest upgrade.

January is tech month. This week saw the International Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. Next week sees Apple, Inc.’s annual MacWorld conference in San Francisco. In both conventions, technological giants announce what will become this year’s newest products, the most advanced upgrades, and the most state-of-the-art way to go into debt (but it has a touch screen!). Last year Apple announced the iPhone; this year technology blogs predict Apple will announce either an iPod that turns a listener invisible, or a cell phone which helps the caller find Jesus (using GPS). While I wish I could say that I won’t be watching an online video of the MacWorld conference, I also wish I could say that the anticipation isn’t seeping out of my pores.

It’s probably a good thing that I use an exfoliater.

What drives this anticipation; from where does this obsession come? As anti-social as my personal tech habits may appear, my devotion pales in comparison to the devotion of many others. When it comes to fandom, I’m a pwned n00b (assuming I knew what a pwned n00b is). Why are so many Apple fans and devotees – like myself – passionately dedicated to a computer company? Why did Mac followers campout overnight to buy Apple’s newest operating system upgrade? Is it an exaggeration to compare the community supporting Apple to that of a cult?

In last year’s MacWorld conference for example, there was a particular memorable scene in CEO Steve Job’s presentation where he announced a ‘revolutionary mobile phone,’ a proclamation that caused the audience to respond with the kind of enthusiasm and gratitude generally reserved for people being freed from a concentration camp. The MacWorld audience cheered and applauded and screamed and went nuts and then – as if to highlight the absurd eagerness surrounding a mere cell phone – a man actually pumped his arm in the air in an Arsenio Hall-esque fashion.

I repeat: A man actually pumped his arm in the air in an Arsenio Hall-esque fashion.

Short of heralding the Rapture, I rarely believe that enthusiasm deserves, of all things, an Arsenio Hall imitation. Nevertheless, this anticipation for the iPhone drove adults to demonstrate their enthusiasm in a non-adult manner (what some might call ‘childish’). As atypical as this may appear, this odd demonstration of tech-passion manifests itself for other products as well:

*The shoppers who do anything to purchase a Wii video game console – such as waiting all night in the cold.

*Those students who play online computer game ‘World of Warcraft’ – for three days straight.

*The households who own a thousand-channel satellite dish – despite not being able to afford to feed their children.

There’s nothing wrong with preferring one particular product or company to another, but what happens then that preference becomes a passion which drives the most fundamental motivation of one’s existence? Generations and centuries past, people were motivated by religion, philosophy, and politics. Today, people are still motivated by religion, philosophy, and politics.

And BlackBerries, videogames, and MP3 players.

One can’t help but imagine what society would be like if such passion and dedication was instead devoted to issues more important than being dedicated to the most advanced gadget. Would more people vote? Would more people attend church? Would more people be more civically minded? Would the public revolt and demand more from their leaders?

Personally, I recognize that my life would hardly function without my iPhone, a fact I’m willing to admit. Perhaps it’s time for me to quit cold turkey. If not, maybe I can at least shift my technology addiction to something slightly less addictive.

Like cocaine.

The 2007 Bullshattuck Holiday Shopping Guide - Only 28 Days Remaining!

The 2007 Bullshattuck Holiday Shopping Guide:
Hurry up, as there only remains 28 shopping days left to pay twice as much for a gift that will be half as appreciated!

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Today's Bullshattuck Holiday Shopping Guide idea is taken from a question asked a Bullshattuck reader:*

"So let's say you have a friend who's totally not me. And this socially backwards friend doesn't always feel that comfortable when I go to... er... when he goes to parties. Is there a shirt my friend who's not me could wear to parties that would be a conversation-starter? You know, something unique and eye-catching? Something that says 'Wow Carl, let's have a conversation about your shirt!' I want to get a shirt like that for my friend.

Who's not me.

--Confused Carl. Um, I mean Jonathan.

Oh, and I want the shirt to be able to detect wifi signals."


Well Jonathan-Not-Carl, have I found the shirt for you! Thanks to other socially backwards people at Think Geek, you can get your hands on your very own Wi-Fi Detector Shirt! You'll never need to worry about wearing a shirt that won't initiate a conversation again!

Or losing your wi-fi signal!

Oh, and Jonathan-Not-Carl? Just replace every time I said the word "you" with the words "your friend."


*I did not make up Carl. Oh wait, yes I did.

Crack is Whack & Pop-Up Ads are Creepy

Ok, I get it. I GET IT. You, Mr. Internet, are trying to push your “oh so realistic screensavers” on to me as if they were your crack, as if I was your user, and as if your success in convincing me to download your crackalicious screensavers is your only way you can afford to feed your children-of-a-drug-dealer children.

But I have to draw the line somewhere.

It’s one thing for you to push your screensaver programs on me in increasingly menacing pop-up ads. But honestly though, must they be this creepy?

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Thank goodness, dear reader, that you’re only seeing the unanimated version of this ad. Because trust me when I say that the way this deer’s eyes watch you is enough to prevent even the laziest narcoleptic from falling asleep.

Like, ever.

Bullshattuck Googles Himself and is Afraid of What He Finds

Be warned, all you Googlers out there - for Bullshattuck knows which of your Googles are leading you to my site.

The fantastic thing about using Typepad to host your website [Typepad, you can thank me later], is that it allows me to see what websites lead visitors to Bullshattuck. What's even more fascinating about this, is that it particularly allows me to see the specific words people are Googling. For example, if someone Googles the word "Bullshattuck," or "waste of time and space," I'll know.

The following is an actual screenshot of words which someone Googled - and which then lead them directly to www.bullshattuck.com.


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Apparently if you Google the words "meaning of poop and mice and men," it will lead you directly to my website.

Really, I'm flattered.

Overheard by Bullshattuck: Ben Rudolph

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”Yes, I realize the irony of syncing an Apple device with Windows running on a Mac, but lots of people need this. Try not to judge.”

–Ben Rudolph, PR Chief for Parallels - software which allows the iPhone to sync with a Mac running Windows

Bullshattuck Brings You Pictures of Crowds Waiting for the iPhone

Today is a busy day for me. And I don't feel like actually writing anything. So instead of actually writing something that won't even be that funny in the first place, I just thought I would share some pictures of the crowds waiting for the release of the iPhone, on sale today at 6:00pm:

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Mob


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Wow, that guy standing in front of the tanks must really want an iPhone.

Bullshattuck Counts Down the 1 Day Remaining Until the Stupid Deified iPhone

In honor of the 1 days remaining until the release of the iPhone, Bullshattuck will help you pass the time by bringing you:

THE TOP 10 IPHONE VIDEOS FROM YOUTUBE IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER,
AS SPONSORED BY BULLSHATTUCK AND GOD
("Sure, I may have created the heavens and the earth in only seven days, but June 29th is taking forever to get here")

Be sure to watch the guy at 1:54 into the video, as he actually throws his arm into the air in jubilation over a cell phone.

Pure. Comedy. Gold.

Bullshattuck Counts Down the 2 Days Remaining Until the iPhone

In honor of the 2 days remaining until the release of the iPhone, Bullshattuck will help you pass the time by bringing you:

THE TOP 10 IPHONE VIDEOS FROM YOUTUBE IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER,
AS SPONSORED BY BULLSHATTUCK AND L'OREAL
("Convincing the public that we're totally not a gay company through such public relations events as, oh I don't know, sponsoring NASCAR, since 1909")

Bullshattuck Counts Down the 4 Days Remaining Until the iPhone

In honor of the 4 days remaining until the release of the iPhone, Bullshattuck will help you pass the time by bringing you:

THE TOP 10 IPHONE VIDEOS FROM YOUTUBE IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER,
AS SPONSORED BY BULLSHATTUCK AND
PROMISES TREATMENT CENTERS
("Introducing the new 'Britney Spears Punchcard:'
10 visits and your next visit is free!")